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I know it has been quite a while. The urge to write has completely subsided lately. I no longer have that compelling urge, that need, that hunger to write. I have been doing lots of reading lately, catching up on several novels I hadn't had the opportunity to finish. I am also in the middle of a huge upheaval in my life. We are moving 4 hours across state - away from the place I was born and raised, away from everything I know. For a good while, I was thrilled and excited. Now? I'm nervous. I'm scared. I want to cry. This week has been spent hanging out with my girl friends and enjoying each other's company before I'm a distance we can't easily traverse in a matter of thirty mintues or less. I thought I would be okay with it all, but now I'm not so sure. I am going to miss my friends. They have been my family through the good and the bad. They have always been there for me, and even though we have had our rough times, I love them so dearly. I am moving nearly an hour north of the only friend I will have out there ( Mandy! ), and I'm worried I will feel isolated and alone. I have suffered from post partum depression quietly for nearly two years now. My mother has given me her prescription for an antidepressant to try to wake me up out of my funk. I feel better, but with this new swing of emotions, I'm wondering if everything will come tumbling down again. It's a horrible feeling to feel as if you're losing your mind. I don't want to be there again. 

And not to mention, I miss my kids horribly. The first day was a welcome break. It was nice to have the house to myself, to be able to work in quiet, clean on my own time schedule and sleep in a roomy bed all to myself. Now, my heart and body ache to be with my children. Donovan and Trenton are at my mom's and are enjoying themselves immensely. My mom is worn out, repeatedly mentions on the phone that she doesn't know how I do it. My husband is out working on running water lines, sewer lines, finishing up the septic tank, and running the power lines. As soon as everything is set up, my mother is being so generous to have someone to come in and give the trailer a really good deep cleaning. I am grateful, as I am here at my home cleaning like a mad woman. I cannot wait until Friday when the UHaul is here and loaded and I clean the house while it is empty.  We still have to paint all the trim in the house, paint the grout in the master bathroom, fix some broken tiles, paint the grout in a few other places and touch up paint in other places. 

My realtor showed the house yesterday, but no call from her today. I think we will lower the price and make sure she notes on the listing that there is a carpet allowance.I don't blame anyone for not wanting my horrible black carpet. I don't want it either.

Well, on that note, I am going to start folding laundry and get ready for bed. I am going to have an early night tonight so I can get a lot of stuff done tomorrow before work at 2. Next week, I start my new shift of 3-8, which I'm nervous about. I want to be able to cook dinner and put the kids down for bed still. Bedtime might just have to be pushed back a half hour or so. No biggie. K. I'm off.

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On August 20th, 2007 07:54 pm (UTC), mandymomdotcom commented:
B said your hubby stopped by the restaurant today. It made me realize I don't think I've ever seen a photo of YOU, although I have seen photos of your munchkins.

Hope you've found time to relax- I know its been hectic for you! When you're ready, you can come hang out with me and another couple... so you can at least have a few friends in the area!
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